Last night, after Mina went to sleep, I spoke with Alex to plan our weekend with his girls. I had asked him earlier in the day if I could pick up Allegra, take her to the fabric store, and work on her bear sewing project .
He was quiet, then he took a breathe and said: “You know, Lady, I have to tell you that I am kinda mad at you..”
“There is no question about your devotion to the girls, but I feel that there needs some more time devoted to your own needs. You need to take the time for yourself, to get your work done or even just to get a coffee with a friend. I see how happy your can be when you feel you have movement in your work or feel like you accomplished a lot of projects. Take the day while Mina is with her dad to do something for you. Please take my offer seriously of watching Mina while you take a night class in Family Law to add weight to your Coaching license. I want to help. I want to be asked to help watch Mina, pick her up from her activities, help you to have time for yourself.”
I needed a kick in the butt. It is not that I have a Martyr “I can DO everything, no matter if it kills me” attitude. After years of just doing everything, sometimes, it really doesn’t occur to me to ask for help. I have learned to organize my time differently, multitask when possible, and teach Mina to self-occupy herself in order to get everything done. I have come a long way from where I was, but I still have a long way to go.
Things I am doing well:
- Self-Care and Image awareness/maintenance: Taking the care in the morning to dress well and do my hair was something that I struggled with after Mina was born. Taking the time for myself to dress up and do my hair lifts my spirit higher and gives me a sense of confidence as I step into the day.
- Reading time: I have come to understand that it is not “wasting” time if I sit and read a book. Other projects can wait while I take a moment for myself for tea and a book.
- Self-indulgent budget friendly purchases: I set aside time to browse the local thrift store for a fun new little dress or outfit once a month.
- Time with friends.
- I am proactive in creating a TO-DO list for work related stuff and can sit down and plow through my list very quickly.
Things I need to work on:
- I need to take a moment, when looking over my priorities, to see what portions I can farm out to others and which I can ask assistance for.
- I need to realize I am not alone and there is help available if I ask
- I need to be comfortable in asking for help and not feeling inadequate if I do.
- I need to feel that the help I asking for is worthwhile. That I need help with X or Y and I shouldn’t feel the need to justify to someone else why it is important.
Lyn had posted a link about listening to your customer base, the positive and the negatives, because both help a company grow. Isn’t that true of life too? If we can’t listen to the positives and the negatives about ourselves from the people who care about us, how will we grow?
So, at the end of our conversation, I was jokingly and lovingly told that I was not to go over to Alex’s house until 7pm. He would take care of getting the girls from daycare and making dinner. My to do list for today is to do things for me, be it personal quiet time, coffee time with friends, or work related. Just time for me, to get to know what I want and need.
Here we go:We began this blog with me being kicked into action, but let’s take this full circle:
Let’s kick some Ass today and get stuff done!