Today was my first class at the Vitalize Community Studio. I took the time to see how I flowed within the space and I realized that I am more comfortable seated on the floor, in the round, then on hard chairs. I sat on the biggest cushion and just close my eyes to allow myself a still moment as I waited for people to come. No one came and, before I knew it, an hour had passed. I had needed the time, in this peaceful quiet space, no distractions from my life, no people, to be able to listen … really listen to myself and my needs.
It was a doozy of a week and I was thrown completely off balance, unexpectedly. When I took the time to sit, a few things came to me. Thursday was filled with women friends needing my time, attention and comfort as they moved through their own life dramas. I had not taken a moment to recharge myself before the next one called. I did not realize that 6 hours of helping friends would leave me so vulnerable to be hurt myself.
This was lesson 1: If I am going to be working with people who naturally have drama in their lives, I need to create a way to not absorb their energy nor give them so much of myself that I do not have enough personally.
As I sat today, facing empty cushions, I imagined people from my own life sitting there. These were people who had hurt me or felt hurt by me. Facing first the one who felt hurt by me, I had a whole new spectrum of empathy for her after feeling the same way Thursday evening. Intention may be different, but overall, I believe that the strength of the feelings are the same. No one wishes to be “wished” away or erased and replaced. Feeling what I felt allowed me to have a greater understanding and take greater care with my words to others in our new blended family dynamic.
Lesson 2: Words have power to hurt and to heal. Awareness of all sides and personalities within blended families need to remain consistent, caring, and respectful toward each other in order for the children to grow in a mindful manner. It is a difficult challenge to be sure, but we, as parents, are examples for our children on how to behave and interact with others. If they do not learn respect from us, who will teach them?
The last bit of my meditation pulled me back to class the other day when Lyn gave us, students, her BFF advice. To me personally, she said that I was a “power house of energy, like a laser cutting through crap and working at light speed. However, because of your giving nature, you spread your light everywhere, but the most important places don’t get the lights. Focus the light on 1 or 2 things, so your essence is not diffused.” Those words came back to me this afternoon. Because I was quiet, attentive and listening, I asked myself: Really, Self, what are you here to do?
This was my answer:
“You are a healer, that’s what you do. As a reiki master, you have the ability to harness energy to help others recognize their own internal power and strengths. You are not here to heal everyone, but to show “coach” them how to heal themselves. You bring light and love wherever you go and people who need you will be drawn to your light. People who are threatened by you will block their eyes from your rays so they cannot see. Give your light to those who need it, but do not allow others to steal it from you. When you feel the hurt, stop and send them a blessing. Anger cannot conquer anger, but love can dissolve it and bring peace.”
Lesson 3: Build up your light from within and allow it to emanate and touch those that need it. Be aware, be mindful of protecting yourself against energy vampires who will try and suck you dry. The person who is inflicting hurt, needs love the most, so send a blessing that they be well and at peace.
So, no one physically came to my class, but class was in session none the less. This time, I was the student… and I still have a lot to learn…